Crappy Rappers

There are some good matchups on tap.  Stay tuned!

Who better to close out the opening round than a former college student who's claimed to have sold dope (Tity 2 Chainz) and someone who watched his friend sell A LOT of dope? Would Pusha T's keen observation skills (through scribbling in his notepad, he created his life) be enough to get him past 2 Chainz tall tales? Let's unwrap the bricks.

 I put myself through the tortue of listening to something called "Codeine Cowboy" and Pusha T's lackluster "Fear Of God".  I must say I was thoroughly entertained by some of these songs, especially the one with the hook that goes something like "The dopeman is my muhfuckin' role model!".  Of course, Tity Boi, of course.

This was quite the battle throughout because just when it seemed Malice, err, Pusha T was pulling away, 2 Chainz came back with an ode to his favorite in the house, "Kitchen", coincidentally (or maybe not), a song that features the Pusha Man.  In just one verse and a hook of work, 2 Chainz put up a game-high 15 (!) dope points on a variety of hustler lines.  For a Southern, often incoherent, awful rapper, I must say that is impressive.

In the end, Pusha T's relentless (read: overdone) coke tales were too much for our vision impaired rapper.  Pusha averaged a solid 6 points a song, and that was with him, miraculously, not scoring one in his last song ("Money On My Mind" Freestyle).  Say what you will about the man, but he is consistent.  How else do you think he's managed to be the only person with cornrows still roaming the earth?

Final score: Pusha T 30, 2 Chainz 28.

Highlights:

"No barking from the dog, Pinky just died.  See, I done had that dog for a long muhfuckin' time." - 2 Chainz, Man's best friend's best friend.

"Help my young bitch see her way through her Bachelor's; send my old bitch right back to get her Master's, same graduation I was clappin' in the rafters," - Pusha T, HBCU alumni.

For our last first round match-up in the division, we have New York's favorite (only?) Ciroc Boy French Montana stepping into the kitchen to chop it out with the So Raspy general Jadakiss.

More similar than they are not (besides Jada's obvious head-and-shoulders above rapping ability), both of these rappers gave us an entertaining battle full of redi-rock rhetoric.  The audio crack of choice was Jada's "The Champ Is Here 3" and French's "Mac and Cheese 2".  While both were worthy competitors, only one could move on to the semi-finals, and it would prove to be "the J-A-D-A" (got beef with the feds and the D.A.).

A savvy veteran, Jada's consistency in coke and barrages in boatloads buried French before the Macaroni With The Cheese knew what hit him.  Based off (no pun intended) the strength of "Still Hatin'", "All Falls Down",  Jada jumped out to a commanding 18 to 9 lead.  'Kiss asserted his experience early, letting the world know he's a "real hustler, probably sold a million and one packs".  Get this guy an apron in here!

A true hustler until the end, Herman Munster French Montana didn't go down without moving a few bricks himself, hitting the jackpot on "Buy The Whole Thing" scoring a game-high 9 points and even telling us he pays "45 (thousand) a bird".  Seems like he may be getting a raw deal with that price, but hey, what do I know?  I flip blogs, not ki's.

At the end of the day (no Cam'ron), Jada's dope has to be weighed with the same scale they used to weigh wales and French Montana's can more or less be weighed on a triple beam.  Sometimes you just don't measure up.  Final score:  Jadakiss 28, French Montana 18.

Let's just say this match-up didn't live up to the hype (pun intended).  Both no strangers to jail time and cocaine rhymes, I was expecting a full-on, line-for-line, "Drugwars" on graphing calculators type of battle, but alas, it was not to be.  

Up for comparison were T.I.'s "Urban Legend" and Gillie Da Kid's (a.k.a. King of Philly a.k.a. Got Damn Killa a.k.a. a bunch of other shit) "I'll Make U Famous" mixtape.  Gillie, of course, does not have an official album to date. "Urban Legend" to focus less on dope, and a lot more on, well, beating the shit out of people.  Out of the five songs used for our sample, only two of them registered points on the board, with "What They Do" putting up a game-high 7 points.  His other scoring song, "Countdown" put up a "Dookie" from "The Wire" worthy 1 point.  Clifford was far from the King of the trap on this day.

Gillie did not fair much better, as he was also more concerned with putting people caskets as opposed to putting dope in the basket *Mutley laugh*.  Gillie's scoring was a little more spread out, but still far below his average putting up a total of 9 points, with his song "On My Grind" (obviously) scoring the most with 5 points.  The streets of Philadelphia must have been uncharacteristically dry.

Final score: Gillie Da Kid 9, T.I. 8.  I would say these guys shot up a lot of bricks, but you know...

Highlights:

"I done copped the chrome 45 it got the laser; When it come to bitches take em all different flavors," - GDK, part-time Robocop, part-time Coldstone Creamery mixer

"My dad wasn't a doctor and my momma wasn't a lawyer," - T.I., obviously not one of the Cosby children.

Nevermind the fact that Syracuse almost lost to my favorite team....UNC!!!!.....asheville...yeah. Forget all that....we bout that fishcale finals only, scrap. Quick update this time: Guccirace''s "Trapathon" goes against Rae-Rae's "The Lex Diamond Story". It was four tier dope slanguage ( i had to listen to this man's music for 7 hours straight to make sure he was talking about drugs) versus sheer obvious ignorance (see: "Re-Up"). Even with taking a full workday to review just 5 songs, I didnt get much powder punch lines. I mean one of the songs from "The Lex Diamonds Story" (peep the coat on the cover)  that was picked was "Pa-Blow Escablow" and that was only 6 jums for the junkies! Now my man Radric aka Mr. "Get Away with Killing People"....skrate burd tawk..."Re-Up" and "Spanish Plug" had 15 a key (Take that Jeezy)....Competition was Nada (c) Amil's caricature looking ass..

FINAL 

La Flare - 34

Only Built For Confusing Theee Fuck Out of 95 percenters-20

 Highlights

"My Cocaine Cute...The Mid Grade Pretty"  -  Gucci Mane, Drug Fashionista

"Nigga Peeled his meat" -Raekwon, Human Cleaver